I remember thinking, ‘I just don’t see a way out of this’: Former England pacer Steven Finn on mental struggles amid 2014 Australia tour

Back in 2013-14, Finn did not play in the Ashes. The England bowler was part of the England ODI and T20I team but did not play in the first ODI as well the match against Prime Minister XI followed by the England team management sending Finn back home. “Sometimes through your career you go through those ups and downs and his timing is out. That then can affect your confidence and certainly it is not coming out as quickly as he would like either. I suppose he has been in this state for at least a couple of months and it hasn’t worked. We feel now that it is best to take him out of it. Sometimes you do have to do that, you take guys back. At the moment Steven needs a bit of space in the very short term he probably needs a couple of weeks away from cricket full stop. Steven is not selectable at the moment.’ Giles had said at that moment. In a separate interview to Guardian, Finn admitted that the ‘Unselectable’ tag did damage him. “I hope I don’t sound harsh on Ashley but it was clumsy language and I think it damaged me,” Finn told The Guardian.

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Finn had played for Middlesex at the age of 16 before he made his Test debut for England at the age of 20 against Bangladesh. Finn would play in eight Tests picking up 32 wickets before he made his Ashes debut in 2010-2011 in Australia, where he picked 14 wickets in three Test matches. Two years later, the lanky pacer would face the problem of knocking the stumps over with his right knee during his bowling run-up before a law was introduced by ICC to make such balls a no-ball.

Finn had then tried to remodel his run-up before he ditched the plan. In 2014, Finn did not play a Test before he made a comeback for the 2015 Ashes in England. The tall pacer took 12 wickets in three Tests in the series, which England won 3-2 and which also remains the last Ashes series to be won by England. During the third Test at Edgbaston, which was his first match of the series, Finn took eight wickets in the match including six wickets in the second innings. Finn also picked up the wicket of Steve Smith in both the innings of the Test and rated the series as the proudest moment of his career.

“That is the proudest moment of my professional career. For my first over of that game I stood at the end of my mark and I had to fully commit to what I was doing. Eighteen months earlier, I wouldn’t have had the confidence to do that. I would have been questioning everything in my head, so being able to clear my thoughts and commit to bowling that outswinger to Steve Smith was a fulfilment of all the work I had done,” Finn told The Times.

When asked about the lowest point of his career, Finn once again talked about the 2013-2014 Ashes series, where he cried in front of the England Lions psychologist Mike Rotherhom. “The lowest point? Well certainly the most confusing was when I cried to the England Lions psychologist, Mike Rotherham. That was the first time I had ever met him and first time I’d ever let my guard down. That was in Brisbane where we’d gone for the first Test [of the 2013-14 series], but I’d been sent off to the Lions. I remember walking away from my bowling session there thinking, ‘What the f***’s going on?’ Within the team environment, even though everyone was very friendly and I had a good relationship with everyone, I was never truly willing to let my guard down for fear of being perceived as weak. I was confused and there was the embarrassment and shame of crying in front of someone I hadn’t met before,” Finn told The Times.

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Finn also talked about how he gets frustrated when there is criticism regarding the way present England skipper Ben Stokes and coach Bredndon MCCullum work.

“That’s why I get frustrated when people criticise the way Ben Stokes and McCullum operate. When people said England weren’t practising in the Champions Trophy and when people criticise them for not practising every single day, well I’ve been there. I did practise every single day and I found myself in a hole where I was f***ed for 18 months where I didn’t want to leave the house and I sat in the corner of dressing rooms crying because I couldn’t see a way out of the hole. So I look at this regime now and I wonder how many times I’d have stood at the end of my mark feeling completely free to be myself to try and take wickets, as I was in the best spells I bowled for England. In that free state where I felt like I could bowl forever and could have got anyone in the world out. I wonder how many more times I would have found that state of mind?” Finn said.

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