JANA HOCKING AT THE OPEN: The D-lister's meltdown, the stars who came for champagne but skipped the game - and why the 'in' crowd was gossiping about Carrie Bickmore

Despite living in Australia my whole 40 years on Earth, until last weekend, I had never once been to the Australian Open. I know, shocking.

Well, today I hang my head in shame because, dare I say it, it might just be better than the Melbourne Cup. Yep, I said it. (And you know I had a good time in the Birdcage last year.)

To my surprise, it was outrageously posh. Honestly, go for no other reason than to ogle the sexy, cashed-up men swanning around in their Ralph Lauren polos and chinos. I caught myself nudging my friend every five minutes with, 'Is that guy hot, or is it just the outfit?' Spoiler: it was a bit of both.

The vibe was electric, the matches were genuinely fascinating (hallelujah, a sport I actually enjoyed watching!) but the real action happened off the court.

Yes, the Open really is the 'people watching' event of the year for us Aussies. Think celebrities of all grades – from a Who's Who of Hollywood to a Who's That? of the D-list - all rubbing shoulders, eyeing each other up and quaffing champagne. Glorious!

So, after my Cup day adventures were so popular with Mail+ readers, here's my own review of what happened during the finals at Melbourne Park.

After attending her first Australian Open final, Mail+ columnist Jana Hocking has declared it might just be better than the Melbourne Cup

It's more about being seen than watching the match

Let's be honest here: the celebs you spot posing in the exclusive marquees and in the stands aren't there for the love of the game.

They made no secret of it: they were there for the champagne, the photo opportunities and the glitzy pre-match parties hosted by luxury brands like Louis Vuitton, Emirates and Piper-Heidsieck.

Case in point: at one party I attended, five major stars didn't even bother staying for the match. They guzzled the free-flowing Piper, snapped their pics and vanished.

One TikTok star, who shall remain unnamed, even swiped a bottle of champagne that my friend had bought after the free stuff ran out. No shame!

Rod Laver Arena is basically a catwalk

We've all seen the celebrity fans at footy finals – think Russell Crowe and Hugh Jackman sporting jeans and a team jersey. But the Australian Open is a whole different ball game (rare sports pun - self high five!)

Jana glammed up with her friend Hollie Nasser for the Australian Open final, and unlike certain other famous punters, she stayed for the entire game and didn't just show up for the free booze

The stars you spot posing in the marquees and the stands aren't there for the love of the game, says Jana. She attended one party where five big celebs didn't bother staying for the match

Centre court was a full-on runway for designer fashion. The men rocked suit jackets, crisp Ralph Lauren shirts and tailored chinos, while the women brought their A-game in gorgeous dresses, complete with salon-styled hair and professional makeup.

It was refreshing to see an event where people actually dress up!

The biggest divas aren't the players

Oh no, the drama's off-court. One whiny-voiced social media 'star' whose 15 minutes of fame is ticking away (I'll leave it to you to work out who I'm talking about) threw a tantrum when a junior publicist refused to fetch them a coffee at the Piper-Heidsieck marquee. Mind you, they walked past no less than three coffee stands to get there. The hissy fit was delicious to witness, but I don’t think it'll do their reputation any favours...

Best on ground at that event had to be Hugh Sheridan and Lindy Klim who got everyone up on a makeshift dance floor to boogie like no one was watching. An impromptu dance-off at 3pm? Yes, please!

The queen of the guest list is Judy Romano

If you're angling for an invite to the fanciest events, you need to get on Judy Romano's radar. This publicist extraordinaire decides who's in, who's out, who gets photographed and who gets a tap on the shoulder from security.

She's sharp, seasoned and knows exactly who's hot (and who's not). One wrong move, though, and she'll strike you off the list faster than you can say 'game, set and match'.

The rich and famous get bored

During the women's final, a celebrity sitting in obscenely expensive seats (courtesy of a luxury brand) got bored during the first set and bailed.

A bold move, yes, but I think his star power will get him off the naughty list.

I was very tempted to nab his front-row seats once he confirmed to me he had indeed left Melbourne Park, but I decided to stay with my friends instead.

There's a seating hierarchy, and Carrie Bickmore won

People-watching is half the fun, and it's clear to even the most casual of observer there is a pecking order at the Australian Open.

During the men's semi-finals, Roxy Jacenko was surprisingly seated halfway up the stadium. I guess being a PR maven doesn't always guarantee the best seats in the house.

But it was at the women's final where the A-listers truly came out to play.

Front and centre were Michael Clarke and his gorgeous girlfriend Arabella Sherborne, both dripping in head-to-toe Louis Vuitton. (Side note: it was so refreshing to see a famous athlete's girlfriend actually enjoying herself instead of scowling at the crowd. Yes, I'm referring to a certain former AFL WAG).

The queen of the crowd was Carrie Bickmore (back row, second from right). She and her four Barbie-like friends scored on-court seats so exclusive they were practically in the players' laps

Michael Clarke and his partner Arabella Sherborne were dripping in head-to-toe Louis Vuitton

Vogue Australia editor Christina Centenera looked flawless, as always.

Then there was Candice Warner winning mum points for bringing her two tennis-loving daughters along. She even dashed to the front of the stands post-match to snap a picture with winner Madison Keys.

Speaking of which, Candice was probably one of the few celebs in attendance who was genuinely there as a fan. Oh, and Dan Carter? Spotted rocking sunglasses at a night match – a bold choice.

But the undisputed queen of the crowd was Carrie Bickmore. She and her four Barbie-like friends scored on-court seats so exclusive they were practically in the players' laps.

A certain celebrity confided in me that they'd turned down those same seats last year for being 'too on show'. Fair enough, but Carrie and her crew didn't seem to mind, happily sipping champagne and scrolling through their phones mid-match.

Melbourne's hottest establishments go all out

From top-to-toe tennis-ball decor at the Ovolo in South Yarra to tennis-inspired buffet breakfasts at the Royce Hotel, Melbourne's hotspots fully embrace Australian Open fever.

I'm told Bar Bambi had to order almost twice the champagne they regularly do, with a huge line to get in after the matches had finished, and The Beverly was booked out for pre-match lunches.

The Royce even ditched their usual sit-down service so guests could quickly fuel up on buffet spreads before heading to their courtside seats.

Oh, and the airport lounges on Monday were home to countless sore heads, with many, many Bloody Marys consumed before a hungover flight.

The sassy heckler stole the show

This year's Australian Open copped some flak for its bogan spectators shouting things out during matches, but at the women's final, we were blessed with the sassiest heckler.

This fabulously camp individual had the crowd in stitches with gems like, 'Oh, Maddy, you hit that ball, girl!' and, 'You got this, girlfriend!' More of this energy, please!

So, will I be back? Oh, yes! With sexy, sweaty athletes, a celeb-packed circus, bottomless champagne, and men rocking suit jackets despite the sunny heat, the Open is hands down the most fabulously chaotic sports event you'll ever experience.

I can't wait until next year.

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