Arsenal 'backed by winds of football history'!

It turns out Barcelona, PSG and Inter can give up now because Arsenal are ‘destined to finally win Champions League’…

You are my destiny…

Mediawatch is going to be honest here; we were struggling for content before we checked The Sun for their coverage of Arsenal’s triumph in Madrid; everybody is lauding Arsenal, everybody is dissing Real, and everybody is right. And ‘right’ is not good for Mediawatch.

Then we saw this monstrosity…

‘The incredible omens in Arsenal’s favour that could see them destined to finally win Champions League’

‘Oooh this is interesting’, thought Mediawatch. And the plural use of ‘omens’ suggests this could be gold. Bring us all the omens!

The first thing to note is that it is only one ‘omen’. And it’s not really an omen. And it applies equally to PSG. So it’s one ‘omen’ that applies equally to two of the four teams left in the competition.

Hmmm. Doesn’t sound exactly like ‘the Gunners could be backed by the winds of football history this year’.

It seems that the ‘strange omen’ is that all four finals held in Munich have something in common…

‘Arsenal may have cause to celebrate because all four previous matches have continued a stunning trend of crowning a brand new European champion, two of which have been English teams.’

Now it’s a ‘stunning trend’. And again, it feels relevant to point out – by this measure – that PSG also have ’cause to celebrate’ as they are also ‘backed by the winds of football history’.

A cynic might also point out that Nottingham Forest’s win in 1979 does not quite count as an ‘omen’ (‘an event regarded as a portent of good or evil’) as there were no other teams in the quarter-finals who had ever won the European Cup. This was the 70s and this was knock-out football; Forest were the fifth first-time winners that decade.

We will allow that there is a pattern in that the Munich finals of 1993, 1997 and 2012 were all won by first-timers against previous champions, but do we have to pretend that ‘Arsenal have a stunning omen backing them to potentially make history’ when PSG are a) in exactly the same boat and b) probably a better team?

Neat trick

But actually, it turns out that Arsenal are practically in the final already. At least according to football.london:

‘Arsenal can repeat Real Madrid trick in PSG Champions League semi-final after UEFA statement’

Is the ‘trick’ just playing better football over two legs. And where does a UEFA statement come in?

It turns out that the ‘trick’ is to play (and presumably win) the first game at home.

‘Looking ahead to the clash between the European giants, there will be a familiar feel to the occasion for Arsenal. That’s because, just like their tie against Real Madrid, the north Londoners will play the first leg at Emirates Stadium.’

Even if we ignore that we knew even before the ‘UEFA statement’ that Arsenal would once again play the first leg at home – the draw was made last month – this is extraordinary.

‘Two stunning Declan Rice free kicks and a strike from Mikel Merino ensured a dream night for the Gunners and there will be hope that can be repeated against the French side.’

Yes, we imagine that is exactly what will happen.

And at that point the omens really will be on Arsenal’s side.

Phone a friend

There is absolutely no shortage of content to glean from Arsenal’s phenomenal win over Real Madrid, what with some classic Madrid saltiness following a Bukayo Saka neck-grab and Jude Bellingham sh*thousery.

For once, we have literally no problem with various outlets ignoring the actual football in favour of writing about the controversy and bitterness; this is Real Madrid and there’s always controversy and bitterness. And it is delicious.

Which is why we’re somewhat confused that Mirror have to basically invent something that never happened. This is their top football story on Thursday morning:

‘Mikel Arteta reveals Pep Guardiola’s role in Arsenal’s superb victory at Real Madrid’

Did Pep Guardiola give Arteta some tactical advice? That’s presumably what we are being led to believe, but you will be unsurprised that the answer to that question is a vehement ‘did he f***’.

What Arteta ‘revealed’ is that he ‘called Manchester City boss Pep Guardiola on the morning of Arsenal’s Champions League victory over Real Madrid’. He didn’t ‘reveal’ exactly what was said and he certainly did not intimate that Guardiola had any ‘role’ at all in the victory over Real Madrid.

Mediawatch suspects that what actually happened is that one man called his friend to say hello and thank him for helping him along his journey. And controversially, we don’t think that one man calling his friend is the biggest story in football the morning after that particular night before.

Arsenal, you say?

What do you do if you write for the Liverpool Echo and you know Arsenal will be trending after their victory over Real Madrid?

This…this is what you do:

‘Liverpool penalty incident led to x-rated exchange that left Arsenal fuming’

It seems you entirely needlessly write about an incident from 2011.

Click here to read article